Lately I’ve been a super crap mommy. Work is stressful and busy and I’m so tired when I get home that I have short fuse. I snap and shout and threaten. I give hidings when time-outs don’t work.
Supper time is stressful because some days he refuses to eat. Some days he will only eat in front of the TV – a habit that is mostly my fault because I’m too lazy to fight with him.
A lot of the time he acts up because I’m not paying attention to him because I’m looking at something on my phone – he hasn’t seen me all day and this is SO DAMN UNFAIR to him that I’m honestly embarrassed to even type that.
Taking a different tack
Tonight it was a whole different story. It was just the two of us this evening and the mommy guilt set in and I thought I should at the very least attempt a meal that wasn’t peanut butter and bread or Weetbix.
So I made oven fish and steamed broccoli and carrots knowing full well that there was a 80% chance he was going to refuse it. I was setting myself up for failure and just knew I was going to be SO MAD when he spat it out. Admittedly I did put some drops of tomato sauce on it so that he would at least taste it.
He started with the fish and ate that. So far so good. How about a carrot? Nope! More fish! Snuck a carrot in between bites of fish and he ate it. Tried a piece of broccoli. NO! More carrots! Okay – eat all the carrots you want! Snuck in a another piece of broccoli. He ate it! He finished everything. And we didn’t fight!
Next up was bath time and his hair needed to be washed. It was so sweaty from the heat today. This is always a fight. So I ran a big bubble bath for us and made it fun. It was also far easier to rinse his hair being in the bath with him.
Dressing shenanigans also went great. Because I had not lost it with him yet and we were having so much fun, he lay mostly still while I put his nappy on. He wanted to put lotion on himself and when I put a little in his hand he spread it on the sheets.
I did NOT LOSE IT! I just took it away and calmly explained that lotion was only for legs and arms and tummies and he could rub it in where I put in. He put up a little fuss but I kept talking calmly.
A calm mommy is a better mommy
But the biggest surprise for me was when we were reading. He changes his mind about what book he wants to read a dozen times, halfway through a story that we sometimes end up reading 3 half stories and it’s annoying. Tonight we were reading his Pooh Bear 1-2-3 and he screamed at me to OPEN!!! the next page before I had finished reading.
I told him in a very calm voice that that’s not how we ask for things and now the book was going away because he didn’t ask nicely. He sighed dramatically (this is a new thing), laid his down on the pillow and said “Sorry mommy” – without me having to ask! What? Who is this child?!
“Who is this mommy?” is probably what he was thinking. He’s so used to a mommy who screams and shouts and threatens, that he too screams and shouts and hits. This is his normal and that needs to change. I need to change.
I said because he said sorry we could go on reading but he said he wanted his milk instead. Again while he was drinking his milk he screamed/whined for the blanket to be put on. Again , I calmly said, that’s not how we ask. The he said “Blanken peese mommy”. We need him to understand that screaming and whining for something won’t get results and asking for something nicely will. Once he’s learned that lesson we’ll move on to the harder lesson of “Just Because You Asked Nicely Doesn’t Mean You’re Going To Get It”. But one step at a time, he’s only 2.
But what did I expect, really? It’s a learned behaviour and it’s my fault. I’m the adult, I should have more control over my reactions than a 2-year-old. I’m trying to be more mindful of my short temper and my reactions. I’m trying to speak calmly even though I may not feel it. To not be angry about the lotion on the sheets. To not lose it when I’ve asked him not to hit the blinds for the 500th time in a row and he’s purely being defiant.
It’s hard. I’m not going to succeed every day. But today showed me that it is possible to be a calmer mommy. And if I can be that at least 80% of the time then hopefully I won’t mess this kid up.
I’m so proud of you, honey. I know when it’s my turn you’ll be there to encourage and give me tips. Cheering you on, Calmer Mommy Zayaan! X
Thank you 😘
Our kids getting older is hard for them as it is for us. I wish I can tell you it gets easier but it’s a continuous learning experience. I learned the hard way that no matter how my day goes, all they want is just for us to stop, relax and spend some time with them. They have so much to tell us. As tired as you are, before the screaming and fighting starts, take a deep breathe and count to 10.
Oh lady. All.the.feelings.
Yay for a calmer you and R 😀
Just keep trying to be calm, it’s hard.
I’m also trying to be a more focused mommy and stay calm. Not always easy but kids do pick up on our moods, you can’t hide anything from them.
You really can’t! They are so so perceptive. Good luck to both of us with being focused and calm!
This post is exactly everything iam gong threw with my 2 and half year old, we just got to take it one day at a time mom
It’s such a trying age! But you’re right, we just take it one moment at a time.
wow thank you so much for sharing this post , I am a single mom my son is 6 years old and I relate so much to your experience and story, as after a hectic day in the office 1 is tired and we do tend to take out our stress and short tempers with our little 1s not meaning it , and you know ive also had moments where I realized that when we are alone and I am passive and calm I tend to get a lot more out of him , so thank you so much in reminding me to be a more calm mom and I will have a more calm son handling situations better
It is so hard to stay calm and not get pissed off when I’m tired especially when I get home after a long day at work. Thank you for the comment.
Thank u so much for this. I too am going through this. I am constantly tired and always shouting and wanting to spank my 2yr old. Im always on a high with her and often feel bad and try really hard to just be calm and more patient then I find myself back to the screams n threats. I do realise when I am calm attentive n patient she is the sweetest little girl and I love her like that. Will definitely try much harder to be a calmer attentive and patient mom
Thank you so much for the comment and reading. It’s such a challenging age and I really have to keep reminding myself to be an adult and not react the same way he does.
This is exactly my experience. Thanks for being so candid and reminding me that she is a ray of sunshine if I am kinder and more attentive.
It’s amazing how they respond a little differently if you do too. That being said there are times when he still completely ignores my attempt to be nice and pushes his boundaries but that’s what this stage is about I suppose.
Wow, it feels as if I was writing this – I can totally relate. I too got that sense of guilt, and still feel it from time to time, but then I remind myself “She’s only 3, so she’s a kid…she learns what she sees”…with that being said, you are not alone…but you are so brave for writing about it.
Strongs to you mommy!!
Thank you so much for the kind words!