Growing up is a funny thing

Growing up is weird. You don’t see it happening, but then one day you wake up and you’re on the verge of turning 33 which sounded like the oldest thing in the world when you were 19.

About a week ago I remembered that I used to have a LiveJournal blog between 2005 and 2009. Back when I poured my heart and soul onto the pages of the internet. 

The level of oversharing is shocking but the first thing I did was check that I was at least a little smart and I did actually make it a private journal. At least I had the common sense to do that.

It was a place where I ranted and raved. I was so angry, stupid and sad. It was a very dramatic time of my life and I was going to delete the whole stupid thing because it’s embarrassing but it’s also a reminder of how much I’ve grown as a person. 

growing up

Young and hostile and so stupid.


To read back and see  just how pathetic I was and how I made excuses for how badly I was treated is so flipping astounding and it makes me realise just how fortunate I am that The Husband walked into my life. He really was a turning point in a very tumultuous life. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine to just go back in time to shake some sense into myself. Wow hey.


He still looks at me like this ?

A post shared by Zayaan Schroeder (@zayaan27) on

Life now is a lot less dramatic and while we all managed to come out of that shit storm still being friends, we don’t actually see each other as much as we used to. It’s not for lack of trying though, kids just make life so flipping busy and tiring.

We saw each other if not every day then at least every weekend. We were in our early 20s, we had nothing better to do.

Reading old journals is always such a trip. My writing and language have changed so much. I’ve changed so much.  Although when I said as much to The Husband this is the gif he sent me:


But when you live and grow with another person you don’t notice it what much until you stop and think about it. 

So even though those journals are cringe worthy, I don’t think I’ll delete it just yet. In fact I think I might just start a new private journal because in another 10 years time I’d like to remember who I was now. 

Does anyone still journal in this modern age of oversharing?



  1. Nikki

    January 15, 2018 at 11:06 am

    Why is there so much anger in young people? I was re-reading my old journals the other day and I was shocked at how angry I was and I don’t even know why. PS: you look exactly the same as 19-year-old you!

    1. Zayaan Schroeder

      January 15, 2018 at 12:01 pm

      Yes! So flipping angry probably from feeling misunderstood and allowing people to treat me like kak.

  2. Xian

    January 15, 2018 at 11:33 am

    nah, i have done the same thing, looking back on things that I’ve written in at random and in random places, then finally a “journal” and whilst we can perceive the (perhaps) silliness in them , they were relevant to our lives at the time and left one with a reasonable outlet for anger that didn’t hurt or affect anyone or “manyone” (yes i meant many + one). and also perhaps lightens our sometimes dark hours in our current lives, to look back and laugh a little at the naivete or incredulousness or out into perspective, as you have written or even surprise you to see positive thought processes that have carried through and with you to where you are right now.
    and as far as time is concerned, whilst we tend to look back and see how much time has passed, don’t neglect to see how much potential time is left in the future and what to look forward to and work toward.

    1. Zayaan Schroeder

      January 15, 2018 at 12:11 pm

      So very true. By the way, I miss spending time with you. xx

  3. Jared

    January 15, 2018 at 11:37 am

    I wish I had a journal from 10 years ago – with short term memory loss I often wonder what I was thinking!

    1. Zayaan Schroeder

      January 15, 2018 at 12:02 pm

      All my hardcopy journals have been destroyed. This one was online and I thought it either had been purged because it was from so long ago or I deleted it.

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